Opportunity Knocks

[Scott Brehaut]

Hello everybody, my names Juan Knill and this is my trusty sidekick Tufty, the squirrel.

You may remember Tufty from those stupid bloody road safety messages years ago (if you are too young, look it up on Google....) - well ever since Tufty and I had a "coming together" a few years back, I have felt a deep attachment with him.

Anyway, welcome to Opportunity Knocks, the show where if you are an unknown, we have a place for you.

Here at Plainmoor we love unknown "better" people - people that are so bloody obscure even the fans of those clubs we have got them from don't know them.

Even better, we LOVE it if we can sign you on the day of a match, make you drive the length of the country and then put you on the bench at the expense of a more senior (and better) player. Hell, we will even ensure you get a game.
Not content with that, we will make sure of your chances of getting you a game by ensuring we fill the bench with unfit, untested players, or player so f**k ing useless that there is zero chance of them getting a game.

In fact, those that are good enough we will ensure are nowhere near the team, just so that you can get a game.

Don't like 4-4-2? No worries - even though I spent my budget on flying wingers, I will make sure that I put out a team that has a formation that wouldn't look out of place on f**k ing Pluto - it's that out of this world.

So, please send me your details to Alan and Tufty, Opportunity Knocks, Plainmoor, TQ1.

Thanks for watching, and see you again on Saturday.