TorquayFans.com | Torquay United Fans Forum

Ice Bucket Challenge


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VuKL2etytnk

[youtube]ZCQwAT_4--k[/youtube]

Found this bloke by accisdent on youtube. Bill Burr. Very, very funny. Absolutely creased me up. Theres a funny segment about women which young Gullscorer might like and an even better section about dogs and how there behaviour is influenced by their owners.

(WARNING - STRONG LANGUAGE)

[youtube]-BSlqZYtWzQ[/youtube]

Why can't people get it into their heads that the issue with which I am concerned is feminism, not women. Big difference. And more and more women, on learning the truth about ideological feminism, are rejecting it.

I love women.

Q: If Sean Connery had lived in Devon, which Devon club would he have supported?

A: Probably Argyle. Shirtainly not Exshitter Shitty.. =D

.

BRITISH TRAWLER SENDS OUT DISTRESS SIGNAL: 'WE ARE SINKING..!! WE ARE SINKING..!!'


GERMAN COASTGUARD RESPONDS:


'VOT ARE YOU SINKING ABOUT...??'

C*ntfoosus say . . . . . . .

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.

Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

Man who runs in front of car gets tired. Man who runs behind car gets exhausted.

Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.

War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It takes many nails to build a crib but only one screw to fill it.

Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Lion will not cheat wife; Tiger Wood

Och Aye...

Two snails were talking to each other about life. their dreams and ambitions and jobs etc.(as snails are wont to do).As they bend each other ears they mentions college and hobbies marriage and kids and their bucket lists.
The first snail says to the other one. well, you know these things are awesome and nothing is wrong with any of them. I would love to settle down. but if there's one thing I have to do before i go. it's have a really fast sports car. Maybe a ferrari or Aston Martin. or Jaguar.
Yes. That makes sense says the other snail. (cos snails are very well aware of their own lack of speed you see) us being snails and all. but the first snail wasnt finished.
Not only do I want it fast. i want it painted red. cos as you know. red is really the only colour for a sports car.
Yes I think I agree that red is the only legit colour for a sports car.
well the first snail still wasn't finished with his dream car. Not only will it be a red one. but I want a great big letter S on the side in green.
At this, the second snail was a bit confused. he said.Well there you lost me Dude. I can get the sports car. and even it being red. But what is it with a fancy paint job and a big S on the side.I just don't get it. well said the first snail. it's quite obvious really. I will be able to drive around town in my beautiful red Aston or Ferrari and others will look and point and say. wow. Look at that ESCARGOT!

I got on the bus the other day with my 6 foot pet crocodile under my arm. "You should take that to the zoo" the driver said. "Nah" I replied, "I took him there yesterday, were going to the pictures today............."

That's awfull. Almost as bad as mine lol

[youtube]2ffYw5n7uas[/youtube]

"Watson, I have a confession to make".
"Yes Holmes, what is it?".
"John, I'm a homosexual, and I love you"
"Thank God for that Sherlock, so am I and I love you too, lets go to bed"

So they immediately retire to the bedroom, where there is a large bowl of fruit on the bedside table.

"Turn around John, I'm going to take you" says Sherlock and reaches over and grabs a piece of yellow citrus fruit from the bowl and squeezes the juice all over Dr Watson.

"What are you doing that for Sherlock?"

"Lemon entry my dear Watson............."

Nanook's snow sled breaks down, so he rings the Inuit AA who promptly send out a mechanic. He has a look at the engine and turns to Nanook.

"Looks like you've blown a seal mate".

"No I haven't, it's just frost on my moustache" he replies..........

My mate Paddy won the lottery the jammy git. A million quid! Did he spend it wisely or invest it, did he fook, he flew straight off to Las Vegas on a massive bender then hit the casinos.

A week later he's at the Blackjack table with just three grand left, an eight and a six in his hand and little hope of winning anything back. He's `drowning his sorrows and realising he's blown an absolute fortune. Needing funds to get home he's about to leave the table and book a flight back to Dublin when a lucky leprechaun appears on his shoulder.
"Where are yous going?" asks the leprechaun. "Don't be worrying yerself, no one else can see or hear me"
"Home, back to moy life of drudgery" says Paddy
"No you don't" says the leprechaun, "I want yous to boy fer a tousand".
"What when oim holding forteen? Yers must be joking" says Paddy.
"No, boy fer a tousand" insists the leprechaun. "Go on, it be aarite"
"You sure?"
"Yes yes yes do it now"

So paddy buys for a thousand, and turns over a four.
He's feeling a little better and is about to stick when the leprechaun pipes up again.
"Boy fer anudder tousand"
"Nah" says Paddy, "Its slim but oim in wid a chance now"
"No no boy fer anudder tousand" shouts the leprechaun.
"Well if yous are sure" says Paddy.
"Yes do it do it" insists the leprechaun.
"Oil boy fer a tousand" says Paddy. He turns over a two.
Smiling now, Paddy feels at least he'll get a bit back, but the leprechaun is having none of it.
"Boy for a tousand, boy fer yer last tousand go on, do it" screams the leprechaun.
"No, no chance, I'm in der munney now" says Paddy.
"Boy fer yer last tousand, go on, do it, I not bin wrang yet to be sure have I now?"
"Well no yous haven but......."
"Boy, boy for a tousand" insists the leprechaun getting more and more frantic.
"Ok" says Paddy, "Oil do it, oil boy for a tousand". He turns over an ace.


"Oh you lucky bastard" says the leprechaun.........