TorquayFans.com | Torquay United Fans Forum

Yes my mistake Phil,was there in the 80s so should have remembered, however try this one.How did a Scotsman find a sheep in the long grass?Very satisfying

Thought that was a Welsh man

They're all Celts Dave similar outlook I believe

No argument there

An acquaintance of mine pulled out a photo of his wife and said "she's beautiful isn't she".



" if you think she's beautiful you should see my missus mate", I replied



"Why is she a stunner?" he asked



" No mate, she's an optician" :-o

If someone makes their fortune in ships/tankers, we call him a shipping magnate....

If someone makes their fortune in oil, we call them an oil magnate....

What do you call someone who makes there fortune selling fridges?

Matt Damon, Brad Pitt and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all taking part in a new movie about classical composers.



"I think I'll play Beethoven!" declared Matt.



"I'd like the role of Mozart!" Brad decided.



"I'll be Bach." said Arnie...

I once missed a hairdressing appointment where I was going to get my hair cut short on top and at the front, and left long at the back.



Dodged a mullet there.

Son : I was awarded the Leslie Nielsen badge at School





Father : What's that?





Son: It's a big building with lots of kids.

The last thing my grandfather said before he died was "Remember, it's worth spending money on a good set of speakers..."

Many by his bedside had puzzled looks on their faces, but to be honest, I actually thought it was sound advice.... =D

I went into a pub and told this guy that my wife was about to give birth any day.
He said "that's nice, what are you having?"
I said "A pint of John Smiths please"

I came out of Asda earlier and there was a woman crying her eyes out. She’d lost all her holiday money that she’d been saving for months.



I felt so sorry for her I gave her £50...... I don’t usually do that kind of thing but I’d just found £2000 in the car park.

Terrible weather conditions today, I've just visited my 80 year old neighbour to ask if she needed anything from the shop.






Turns out she did, so I've given her my list too, no point in both of us going out in this weather.

Got home Monday to find Granny scattering the remains of Grandad (who had recently passed away) around her garden. Trouble is the cremation is not until Friday.

My flat mate reckons our house is haunted , but I've lived here 300 years and never noticed anything.....