Torquay United Fans Forum

An xenophobe, a white supremacist and a sexual predator walk into a bar.

The barman says "What'll it be, Mr. Trump?"

I got into an argument with a dwarf today after I accidentally walked into him.

He was shouting at me, saying, "You ****ing tosser, watch where you're going you two-hat etc etc"
I was going to say something back to him ........ but decided to be the bigger man.

Some Egyptian bloke just pulled up in a BMW, beeped his horn and bared his naked backside out of the window.

.....Chuffin' toot and car moon!.....

I tried a new sex position. It's called parcel force.
You have to stay in all day and no-one comes :-o

My lady friend went to the doctor, saying she had a problem with her aviaries. The doctor says, " you're being silly. You mean ovaries. Aviaries are where you find birds." My lady friend shook her head and said she meant *aviaries*. Not prepared to argue, the doctor told her to get on the ...

“I can’t believe that you’ve been visiting prostitutes for sex,” Mrs Beard screamed at me. “I’m really disappointed.”
“You can hardly blame me,” I answered. “It’s not like I was getting any from you.”
“Well, that’s your own fault,” she replied. “You never told me you were willing to pay for it.”

A mate of mine walked into a bar and sat next to a really attractive woman, He gave her a quick glance then causally looked at his watch for a moment. The woman noticed this and asked, "Is your date running late?" "No", he replied, "I just got this state-of the-art watch, an...

My wife told me that sex is loads better on holiday... wasn't the best postcard I've received........

Thanks Dave, and Merse, the problem with so many people is they believe everything that the second enquiry, the Justice campaign and the sychopnantic media say about Liverpool fans. Yellowforever is one of these people. If the SECOND (brought about because they didn't get the verdict they wanted fro...

Have you read this, from the original 'Hillsborough' thread? http://torquayfans.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=7998&p=171132#p171132 ? Try reading the rest of it as well. Then have a think about fan behavior in general at big matches "Luke, your partners uncle was almost certainly an innocent ...

Absolute b0ll0cks. Without this they've no one to claim compo off. Nothing will bring the dead back so why have we had 28 years of it being rammed down our throats, they just wont let it rest. Ever noticed that Valley Parade, Ibrox and more notably Heysel are rarely mentioned? No second enquiries, n...

Quasimodo walks into a bar, strolls straight up to the barman and says "I"ll have a whiskey please.
The barman says "Bells alright"?
Quasi replies "Mind your own f**king business".

So after saying quite catergorically that there wouldn't be an election before 2020, May see's her disgusting party 25 points up and...........calls a General election! And (as I vote) 88% are voting Tory! EIGHTY EIGHT PERCENT FFS!!!!! How can you tell when an MP (and especially a Tory MP) is lying?...

A mate of mine went away on business. He was in the hotel restaurant alone having a meal when he caught a glimpse of a rather attractive lady, also alone sitting having a drink. Suddenly she started to cough, and her glass eye popped out, rolled along the table and bounced on the floor. My mate scoo...

Do you know what happened to the monk who tied his knob to the bell rope?






He got tolled off.